it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
