hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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