the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
