You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
