Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
