and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
