I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
