so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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