Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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