you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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