I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
