operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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