when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I need to align my fucking chakras
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
