people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
