Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
