I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just blew my weed a kiss
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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