she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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