the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
