ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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