carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
