Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
