Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im drinking this country out of the recession.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
