I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
