I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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