If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
that may or may not have been my penis.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
