The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize