Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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