At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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