sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
