just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
