So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
