So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
