so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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