I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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