so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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