Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
