It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
