Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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