TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
