you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
