Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize