It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
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Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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