you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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