once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket