Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day

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  (440): Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day http://tfl.nu/1jo6
  Replies (74) Good night (3827) Bad night (988)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.

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  (703): I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them. http://tfl.nu/kulz
  Replies (24) Good night (1032) Bad night (3796)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  tequila makes me forget i have legs

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  (250): tequila makes me forget i have legs http://tfl.nu/9rzk
  Replies (25) Good night (6240) Bad night (1404)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.

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  (781): My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays. http://tfl.nu/1wl2
  Replies (3) Good night (4455) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.

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  (715): He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now. http://tfl.nu/ppv0
  Replies (7) Good night (3214) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.

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  (410): They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless. http://tfl.nu/y6il
  Replies (9) Good night (2853) Bad night (1299)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday

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  (925): Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday http://tfl.nu/d2se
  Replies (10) Good night (736) Bad night (1642)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"

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  (314): Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do" http://tfl.nu/rrgq
  Replies (12) Good night (2754) Bad night (1243)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.

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  (651): somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex. http://tfl.nu/wfkq
  Replies (2) Good night (1219) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.

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  (479): I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW. http://tfl.nu/32cb
  Replies (1) Good night (749) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.

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  (425): You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows. http://tfl.nu/kzgw
  Replies (1) Good night (941) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"

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  (336): Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem" http://tfl.nu/nmt9
  Replies (3) Good night (750) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  JESUS

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  (919): you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered. (1-919): JESUS http://tfl.nu/td1m
  Replies (3) Good night (1143) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths

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  (734): I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths http://tfl.nu/fyxi
  Replies (3) Good night (675) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down

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  (616): I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down http://tfl.nu/5uea
  Replies (3) Good night (189) Bad night (271)

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