How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
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I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY