My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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