Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.