They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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