Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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