were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
