When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
