Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just want nice things and good sex
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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