Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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