I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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