all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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