i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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