do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
