Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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