I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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