I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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