I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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