yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
