she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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