The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
