i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
