i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
