i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
