Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
