cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
